Comm(u/i)ting

if I am willing to spend 1.5-3 extra hours on a train, I can have a large apartment with an eat-in kitchen, and claw-foot tub,in New York City, on a street that dead ends Ito an expansive beach, where I can surf, paddleboard, let my dog run free and see Dolphins. I can also holds own a job at one of the premiere womens schools in the nation, benefiting from free tuition from nearly any of new yor city’s esteemed institutions. I use the money we are saving on rent to rent the studio space of my dreams, which looks out over the rooftops of industrial brooklyn and provides amazing sunsets. Worth it? A little extra reading? A little more focused routines at home?

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Zen

after a year long battle I am feeling peaceful and in touch with painting. Tonight someone went out of his way to compliment my painting , then when I asked to see his said, “oh it’s terrible I hate it..it’s terrible.” That is not a healthy relationship with himself.

About to do something crazy 

I’m about to start a job 1.75 hours from my house.

I love my home: we are settled in and a three minute walk from the Atlantic Ocean and the countries longest urban beach. The area is remote, but that makes for a close-knit community of creative types who want to be around the stimulation and art of NYC, but need nature and reasonable rent. Our home has a claw foot tub, amazing layout and is the quietest home we’ve lived in!

The job: This would be my first job in higher education. It’s hourly, so my time is protected. Everything is on the way home since it’s so far! Best of all I can take classes for free.

It never gets better…

Procrastination: procrastination
Pronunciation: /prəˌkrastəˈnāSH(ə)n/
NOUN

The action of delaying or postponing something:
your first tip is to avoid procrastination
[Oxford English Dictionary]

“If I just wait, I’ll be more prepared, have more energy, have less going on, feel more like doing it…”

Lies.

Waiting is generally going to make it much much harder, because time will pass, and more things that you want/need to do will pile up.

Using omnifocus and the GTD methodology to track my todo items this past year — anything from quick errands to big aspirations — I have realized just how long I let things sit without acting. We are talking YEARS.

 I’ll look at a task, maybe I’ve written it three different times, but the first time I wrote it was a year and two months ago! If you’d ask me, I’d say a month or so. I have no sense that so much time passes without me taking any action.

Why do we wait? Fear. For me, I hide from fear by “preparing”, or even better, “researching.” If I just took a few more classes, spent more time reading up on the subject, then I’d be ready to do that thing I want, but am scared, to do. The problem is, that moment of feeling that I’m ready rarely comes for me, for anyone. Even professionals in any area, the greatest in the world, still move forward with doubts calling back to them, “no, wait, not yet. you don’t know what you’re doing.”

So, how to conquer it? A professer in college counseled me to “procrastinate procrastination.” Tell yourself, “okay, I’ll watch that TV show just as soon as I send one more email.” Next thing you know, you get absorbed in the task.

Another way is to focus on how good it will feel when you are finished. Not just that good feeling of checking a box off on your list, but the feeling the result will give you. The “ahh” feeling — looking at your clean dishes all put away, your sparkly new website for which you finally took the time to take nice photos, the clear mind knowing you tried and have nothing to be ashamed of.

It is so easy to get so mad at myself now for the missed opportunities of time I’ve wasted. Especially this past year or so. It has been a good wakeup call to how much more I could be getting done. It’s not about having more time, I’ve learned the hard way, it’s about winning battles with yourself to use time wisely, when you don’t feel like it and don’t feel ready.

Moving forward, I’m going to remember: it never gets better by waiting, it usually gets worse.

 

 

 

It happened … a flow morning

Wow. I could have never imagined this morning a year ago. Today it clicked. For those who follow flylady, the “born organized” types will not get the big deal, but here it is: I woke up before my alarm, and my morning routine — feed dog, take vitamins, put clothes away, get dressed, clean dishes for five minutes, walk dog,do makeup, I even had time to shower, shave and wash (and dry! this never happens!)my hair. I glided out the door a few minutes ahead of schedule, confident that I had everything in my bag, knew the train schedule. Ahhh….it felt so so good — mind like water.